| Wow, it's been forever and a day since I've even looked at xanga. I've come to the conclusion though that the only real reason that I even use it is because it seems I can put my thoughts out into the world a little easier when I type it then when I speak it. So pretty much I'm not gonna have updates on my life or anything that happens, it's just gonna be little pieces of my brain that I feel I need to at least write down.
Ok, so to start, do you ever really wonder if fate does exist? I didn't really believe in it, but the more I live, the more I believe it's out there. The sad thing is, I don't like fate or what it's done for me in my life. It was pretty unique how i met Shelly all those years ago, and then "fate" took her away from me and landed her in the arms of another man. Then this year I met another woman who I could be absolutely crazy for, but I happen to start having something with her a few weeks before school is out and she is about to move back home for the summer. The distance thing ain't a problem for me, considering I wouldn't be able to see her that much this summer anyway because I'm gonna be so busy working and such, the problem for me is the trust issue. Yea she tells me she cares about me, and yea she tells me she's gonna come visit me over the summer, but I really think Shelly tramatized me for life because I have little to no faith that she won't hook up with the guy she's best friends with, or even her ex boyfriend. And I'm not trying to be a jealous new dating guy, I'm simply saying, her best friend and her hook up sometimes, and she even told me that he was one of those people she could be with 5 years down the road, but not now because of the way their lives are. Most people would see that as great news for me, because that means she won't want anything with him until then. I agree except for one thing, I'm the kind of person that sees hooking up as a big thing, she doesn't really. So she could hook up with him one weekend, then the next, come to visit me, and be with me. This causes a problem in my mind because I care about people to much. Damn that Shelly, she did a number on me.
Ok, new topic, my life is pretty much gonna do a 180 over the next year. No more time for partyin, drinkin, and everything else. School comes first, then the Fraternity, then work, then friends and women, then having fun. It's time I started growing up and realize that the important things for the rest of my life won't be that party I went to that one time in college, it'll be that extra community service project or job I can add onto my resume when I'm trying to get a job to be able to be the provider I won't to be for my family. I'm old fashion and nothing bothers me more then to have to let my date pay for things. I feel like if I can't provide for her, then I'm doing a shitty job as a dating boyfriend. In the past, the more important thing about my school schedule was that I had Fridays off, now I don't care, if i need to go to school on Friday's in order to be more successful, then so be it. Look at me in 3 years, and I promise I'll be one of the best men out there, and I'll be the one women want because I got my stuff together and I'm ready to handle life with someone.
Enough for tonight. Later |
